“The skull was placed on a plate
and given to a girl,” “who then presented it to her mother.” Void of expression,
the executioner stood there with a bloodstained
long sword in his hand. She is a real woman. She has a burning passion
within her cold exterior. That is her personality. “A Rebours”, by Huysmans Strange Circus Hello, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to the circus. We have a great show for you today. It’s going to be a lot of fun.
Please enjoy. My name is Black Shadow,
and I’ll be your host. I’m also known as Sad Song. I’ll try to be a good host,
so please stay until the end. Now, let’s get this started. Do you want to die?
Or do you want to live? Well, let’s all have fun
and feel alive. C’mon. Rock ‘n’ roll. Now, here’s our first act of the day. Is there anyone in the audience
who would like to be guillotined? Is there anyone? You? You? You there. Afraid to die? I was sentenced to death at birth. Or maybe my mother was to be
executed, and we switched places. As far back as I can remember… I’ve been surrounded by guillotines. What’s wrong? One wrong move, and I’m gone. Everyone, please be careful.
If you’re not, it’ll be dangerous. No playing with fire, OK? If you speak, you may accidentally
blow out the flame. You have to be quiet, OK? Now, ignite. Mitsuko Ozawa in grade 6.
Report to the principal’s office. Mitsuko? Mitsuko. Yes. Come in. Come here. Closer. Closer. Tell me. What’s the matter?
Why did your grades drop? I’m sorry. Don’t embarrass me. Sorry. Mom is worried. Who am I? Who? Dad. Repeat. Dad. Am I a man? Or a woman? – Man.
– Correct. – Who are you?
– I’m Mitsuko… And? I’m a man.
Tell me what you are, Mitsuko. Are you a boy or a girl? Girl. Correct. You’re doing fine. Sit. This is accordion music
recorded in 1938. It’s interesting. Look. When Dad first molested me,
it was the beginning of the end. I was 12. Mom and I looked exactly alike.
I was her, and she was me. Mom used to be nice. You look just like me. One day, you’ll look great in this
’cause you’re my daughter. You’re so pretty. I’ll give you all my clothes
when you’re tall enough for them. They’ll all be yours. So pretty. Come here, Mitsuko. This is a cello case
that I modified a little bit, you see? Let’s do something fun. You get in the case
and look through this hole here. Come on. Get in. Now. Good girl. What is that? That’s nothing. Bothers me. That’s nothing. When Mom and Dad had sex,
they made me watch. Felt like I was having sex. Whenever I closed my eyes,
I would hear a squeaking sound. That noise. Good morning, students.
How are you all doing today? It’s such a beautiful day.
Sunshine, a lot of sunshine. And that is what we need.
Sunshine in our hearts. That’s what’s important.
That’s how we must live. Dad often talked about
what was good for us. So, I figured whatever he did
was good for me. I’m home. Mitsuko? Honey? Mitsuko? Honey? Mitsuko? Honey? Mitsuko? That noise. Again. Dad touched both Mom and me. The difference between us was
that she seemed happy. But her joy was infectious.
It was dangerous. Sayuri. She’s been watching us. Bad girl. Look what you did to her, Mitsuko. Now, it’s your turn. You get in the case this time, Sayuri. I lied down and became Mom. When Dad touched me,
Mom watched. I was convinced that I was Mom
and Mom was me. Dad touched me, and I became Mom. And I even began to enjoy sex. ‘Cause I was Mom. Look. They look good on you. Go ask Mom what she thinks. Go. I was sentenced to death at birth. Or maybe my mother was to be
executed, and we switched places. As far back as I can remember… I’ve been surrounded by guillotines. One wrong move, and I’m gone. Those are… My earrings. What do you think you’re doing? Take them off.
What’s wrong with you? Stop. Honey. Put the knife down, you crazy bitch. Bitch. Heard it again. Mom. You thief. When Dad was away,
Mom became abusive. Get back here. Come with me. Get up. Who gave you this hickey?
Answer me. Whenever we were alone,
she would try to kill me. She was jealous of me. Mom. That day… Mitsuko. I would rather forget. You took one of my earrings,
didn’t you? Wait. I didn’t. You took it. I know you did. Wait. Come here. My goddamn earring.
Where the hell is it, you thief? Find it. If you find my earring,
please let me know, OK? I will. I promise. Thanks. Sorry. When Mom died, she resembled me. Me at age 12. That day,
I turned into Mom at age 35. Lying in her coffin, she was me. She looked so serene.
Just like an innocent child. I killed her. Just you and me now. Help… Mitsuko. Call me Sayuri. Always been just us. What, Mitsuko? Honey, I am Sayuri. Mitsuko. When the hearse left,
I was no longer a child. I carried my satchel and went
to school. I was 35 years old. I was my mother. I love you, I love you,
I love you, I love you… Does anyone know what this means? – Yes
– Mitsuko? Love lasts forever. What’s over there, Mom? The guillotine… where we die. Mitsuko. You’re alive. Your dad’s here. Could you give us a moment alone? Of course. Did you tell anyone, Mitsuko? You know, about what happened. It’s our secret, OK? I found out the hard way. You love and care for your children,
but it’s never enough. In order to truly understand them,
you must communicate with them. You must love and care for them,
and also build relationships. That’s what’s important.
That’s what we must do. Come on out. Mirror, mirror on the wall… Who’s the fairest of them all? Mom. When the hearse left… I was no longer a child… I carried my satchel… And went to school… I was 35 years old… Need a lunch break? Hold it. I need to use the bathroom. There. Stay inside. Sorry. This opening paragraph is
really gripping. I love this. “I was sentenced to death at birth.” “Or maybe my mother was to be
executed, and we switched places.” Brilliant. Shut up. Read it. Is he new? No, but he just requested
to be assigned to you. Is that right? Read it. Go ahead. Yes. With pleasure. You don’t like it? All your novels are brilliant. Distracted? I’m fine. You have wanted to work with me? I’m your fan. Please keep reading. Yes. Taeko? Yes. Can I ask you something? Just a sec. Let me… Don’t. Yes. I wonder why she likes you. Good luck with… you know. What? Well… You know. I don’t. Is this why she likes him? I guess that’s it. ‘Cause you seem asexual. You want to fuck her or what? It’s not like that. It doesn’t matter
as long as she writes good stuff. By the way, I fucked that freak. These guys did too. We all fucked her. But we’re done. She devoured us
and then vomited us. We’re her vomit now. But you’re still fresh meat. Be careful, fresh meat. You know, her wheelchair squeaks
when you fuck her. It’s so erotic. But no one knows who she really is. Maybe you can find out
what she’s all about. Like, why she always
writes about “Mitsuko.” – What were you talking about?
– Nothing. You can go now. Let’s go. The rookie stays. See you later, Yuji. Taeko? I have a question. Shoot. Is this book autobiographical? No way. I’m in a wheelchair,
but my father never molested me. I’m done writing for the day.
I want to go out for a walk. Walk? Yeah. OK. You know, you sound like a robot. Can I call you “Robo”? OK. That’s so lovely. Yeah. I wanna walk. Meaning? Take a train. I envy them. – Let me help.
– No, that’s fine. Sure? Thanks, Robo. See that case? I wrote about that. Right. In school, I was in the orchestra. Yeah? I was a xylophonist.
Always on my feet. I see. Should’ve played the cello. I guess. Pretty windy today. It’s no big deal, Robo. Aren’t you cold? Even if I were, I wouldn’t admit it. Right here. Here? I want to be alone.
The deadline is next week? Please finish it. By the way,
this is the music I wrote about. Accordion music recorded in 1938. Listen to it. It’s beautiful. Thank you. Bye. I’m home. What do you want to eat? Hungry? You know, I think I’ll go
pick something up. – This author is crazy.
– Especially her latest. Taeko Mitsuzawa lets you
live Mitsuko’s life. Ever wonder why there’s
never a picture of her? She’s probably ashamed.
You can only write this anonymously. You think? I hear she’s handicapped and
that’s why she writes this sex stuff. You think she’s sexually frustrated? Don’t underestimate her. Good evening. – Is Saya here?
– She is. This way please. – Mr. Editor.
– What’s up? – Mr. Editor.
– Love ya, sisters. Over there. Welcome. Come here. This is Yuji. He’s new. Cute. Too bad he’s asexual. Really? No. You have sexual feelings?
Did she fuck you? Who? Novelist Taeko Mitsuzawa. – I love her.
– Me too. Women love that crazy sex stuff. You work with her? Yeah, he requested to be assigned
to that freak. I like her. I’ll tell you something interesting. Switch seats with me. The thing is,
she’s not really handicapped. Tell no one. Also, I know where she lives. You see her in Aobadai,
but she lives nowhere near there. Another thing:
She is mentally ill. She’s seeing a shrink. You think you can… Find out more about her? The guys in our magazine division
want to do an expose on her. You think you can help them out?
They need your help. OK. You’ll do it? Great. Let’s drink. Suddenly, you’re ready to party. My dick is always ready. Let’s drink. To Yuji. Cheers… Are you OK? I have to pee. I have to pee. I have to pee. Mom used to tell me… I’d look like her when I grew up. I remember that. She was wrong. I have to pee. I have to pee. I have to pee. I have to pee. I have to pee… Goddamn it. Give me that knife. Stop. Mitsuko. “Depersonalization” This is Yuji. Hey, it’s me.
About what I asked you to do… It’s fine. I’ll do it. Yeah? I appreciate it.
Expenses covered, OK? OK, good. See you tomorrow. Good night. Tonight, I would like to
introduce you all to someone new. Name please? My name is Yuji Tamiya. Yuji… We should tell Yuji
why we have mutilated our bodies. Let’s tell him. I hated my nipples.
Ugly and unnecessary. Let cells live. Liberation. Scars are cute. To control my body. Be a mannequin. I slit my wrists. I feel fine now. Scars are flowers. Yuji? My body is a vase.
It’s just a container. My heart is a flower. I wanted my body to match it. Let’s give him a warm welcome.
He’s one of us now. – Are you wearing the same pants?
– Stop it. I’ve told you not to do that. You bought me those panties. Hey, you’re up. Go to school sometime, Mitsuko. Leave her alone. But she’s annoying. Mom. I found it, Mom. Mom. I found it, Mom. I found it, Mom. What did you find? Mom. What’s that? Mom… This? What’s this? Sayuri’s earring. Your former wife’s? This sucks. Want it? You do? Give it back. No. – Give me that.
– No. I’ll shit it out. Not again. Get in. It’s OK. Get in. Finished… Finished… Mitsuko… Finished. Mitsuko. Robo? Ever think maybe this isn’t reality? And what I write is more real? Right now, this is just a dream? Mitsuko’s imagination. That’s a pretty interesting idea. I need to take a break.
Let’s go somewhere. Let’s get off here. Hey, what if I could walk? You asked if I was writing about me. Let’s say I am. My dad raped me, and I was
destroyed mentally and physically. I’m in a wheelchair to convey that. I see. – I’ve heard that.
– What? This woman… She was raped by her own father,
and she said the same thing. Said what? That, after she was raped, she felt
like her limbs had been removed. Like her arms and legs
had been chopped off. A rape victim feels like an amputee? Like her limbs are gone?
That’s fascinating. I think I’ll use that in my book. Mitsuko becomes
an amputee at the end. Sounds good. Let’s make Gozo an amputee too. Good idea. Look, Robo. I wrote about that. Right. I was in the school orchestra. Yeah? I played the xylophone. I see. Bad dream? What time is it? Why am I here? You said you wanted to stay here. I did? No more sleep. Let’s go outside. – How beautiful.
– A lot of shops here. Hold on. Go get me that lovely swimsuit. It’s not summer yet, and… And what? Fine. Hurry, Robo. What is it? Are you OK? – What’d you do?
– Where’s the… bathroom? Just ask the bellhop. Go away. – Go.
– Sorry. Taeko… You OK? It’s me. You bought it? Yes. Good. I wanna… …wear it. Now? Help me, Robo. But… You have no sexual feelings, right?
So, nothing will happen. You were cool earlier. What? You yelled at that creep. You made me do that.
He was just a guest at the hotel. He was definitely a creep.
Only creeps carry such big cases. So? Meaning? How do I look? Beautiful. Really? I want to take a nap for 30 minutes. OK. Thanks. Robo? I fell asleep. Let’s go home. Done. Hungry? I’m working on a new book now.
Read it when it’s done. And I’ll introduce you to
this nice guy named Yuji. It’s me. Yuji. It appears that there is a page
missing from the manuscript. Can I come pick it up right now? How about tomorrow? My boss says he needs it tonight.
I’ll meet you where we just parted. Fine. Give me 30 minutes. OK. Been a while, huh? Hello? Hey. Where are you? On my way to your parents’ house.
I have your pet with me. Robo? Get there quickly… Or else your pet will be fucked. Robo? Hello? Robo? I’m here, Robo. Robo. Robo. Robo. Robo… Yuji. Robo. Who are you? Don’t look at me like that. Fuck your wheelchair. Who are you? You don’t recall? What? Who are you? No, who are you? Don’t you remember anything
about your past? Wait… Mitsuko? Am I? Am I Mitsuko? Yes, I’m Mitsuko.
I just remembered that. And you are? Reveal yourself. Shut up, Mother. Mother? Don’t you recognize my face? No, I don’t. That sucks. In any case,
this is how the book should end. Taeko finally realizes that
she’s actually Mitsuko. Now, let’s get back to work. And finish this
before we forget, Mother. Mother? Get up. Want your wheelchair? Mother. Sit. Help me. You really do look like me. Let’s go to Gozo’s bedroom.
It’ll put you in the mood to write. What? I was raped. You were raped? Here? Look, it’s all ready for you. See anything? That. That’s something special for you. Now, Mother, we should go over
what you’ve written so far. Let’s review the story of
you and me… and him. “I was sentenced to death at birth.” “Or maybe my mother was to be
executed, and we switched places.” It’s a good opening paragraph.
I really like this, Taeko. I mean… Mother. “As far back as I can remember,
I’ve been surrounded by guillotines.” “One wrong move, and I’m gone.” “When Dad first molested me,
it was the beginning of the end.” “I was 12.” “Mom and I looked exactly alike.” “I was her, and she was me.” Yeah, you really do look like me. You really do look like me. “Dad touched both Mom and me.” “When Mom and Dad had sex,
they made me watch.” “I felt like I was having sex.” That’s right, Mother. I had to watch you two
fuck like animals. You and this rotten pig. You hear me? Taeko. Sorry. Or should I call you Mitsuko? Now, the next part is
a bunch of crap, Mother. You wrote… “When Dad touched me,
Mom watched.” “The difference between us was
that she seemed happy.” “But her joy was infectious.
It was dangerous.” A bunch of bullshit, Mother. Your joy was not infectious. You like this? I am not you. You are not me. Mother. Do you not recognize my face? “I was convinced that I was Mom
and Mom was me.” “Dad touched me, and I became Mom.” “And I even began to enjoy sex.” “Because I was Mom.” This is laughable. Ridiculous. “Mom died when I was in 6th grade.” “I stood by her coffin and cried.” “Lying in her coffin, she was me.” “She looked so serene.
Just like an innocent child.” “I killed her.” “Mom had tried to kill me
whenever Dad was away.” “She had been jealous of me.” You were fucking evil, Sayuri. Sayuri? Don’t play dumb. See him? Pretty damn cool, huh? What’s that?
What are you saying? What? I can’t hear you. “Help me, Sayuri.
Do something about this freak.” No way. The thing is, right now, I gotta do
something about you, Sayuri. Look. This staircase. My earring… Mitsuko. – Did you hide my earring?
– No. I know you did.
Give it back to me. You stole it, didn’t you? Wait. – Wait
– I didn’t. I know you took it.
Don’t run away from me. Mitsuko. Give me back my goddamn earring. Remember? Mitsuko died… Mitsuko died? Bullshit. Funeral… There was no funeral.
Mitsuko did not die. After that day,
you never left the house. Meanwhile, I was sent to live
with a foster family. I came back repeatedly to see you. You were writing “letters of apology.” But you wrote them
from the perspective of a child… …who killed her mother. You were in complete denial. Like you never had ill feelings
toward your kid. You actually managed to convince
yourself that you had died. You became a recluse
and started writing stories. But didn’t you show up
at school one time? Wearing Mitsuko’s name tag? What the? Daddy. Anyway, you never recovered. You’ve been living as Mitsuko. You chose that ’cause you couldn’t
deal with yourself. You’re such a sick, twisted,
and cunning individual, Sayuri. And you, as Mitsuko, continued to
have nasty sex with Gozo. Daddy… How is it? But eventually,
he found another woman. So you just stayed in your room
and wrote all the time. You wrote as Mitsuko. You were lonely, right? Hey, you. Stop staring. Wanna join us? How do you like this? – Sayuri, I’m hurt.
– Are you in pain? Taeko. Done. Look, Dad. Just finished writing a novel. See? You don’t want me to use
my real name, right? So I changed my name to Taeko. See? Look at it. Are you happy now? By the way, I have something
better than this, Dad. I’ll go get it. Get in this case. Any idea what I’ve been through? I managed to get this job,
and I finally got here. I’ve waited so long for you
to start writing about our past. So long. Finally… It’s over. It’s all over. Mother. Mitsuko. I’m sorry. I don’t want that. Words mean nothing. You tried to kill me just for losing
one of your goddamn earrings. What I want is for you to
feel guilty and… …be Sayuri. Mitsuko… And then I’ll be free. You said you’d make the protagonist
an amputee at the end? Let me help you with that. What was that? You’ll catch a cold. Give me my robe. I have to pee.
Where’s my wheelchair? Come on, where is it? What? I can’t walk. What wheelchair? – Be serious.
– What? Is this a joke? What do you mean? You knew? What? You’ve seen me walk.
Is that it? You’re nuts. You can walk.
You always do walk. No… What’s real and what’s not? Thank you for being with us. And now, everyone,
this is our last act for tonight. Hang in there, Sayuri.