Dan: Have you got another one? Phil: Ohh, I haven’t thought of one. Um… D: We’ve had elves, reindeer, snowflakes. P: Hello, Dan and Phil Games. (⊙︿⊙) D: Go! Come on, come on, go! P: Clause…Clauses. D: You choked. You did it for three days, you couldn’t keep it up.
P: [laughs] Ohhh… P: Santa Clause apprentices was the word I wanted to go with. D: Ohhh.
P: Yeah. P: And continuing the gradual decoration of the room, I have decorated the whole thing with Christmas crackers. D: Wow. P: Do you want to pull one? P: Three. Two. One. P: You did the cheat thing again. D: I won a 8 centimeter ruler with some shape stencil holes. P: Ayyy, what are gonna measure? P: [laughs] What are you gonna measure?
D: [laughs] Shh… P: We could do molester moons all over our face. P: Joke me up. D: What did one eye say to the other? P: I don’t know. D: Between you and me… D: something smells. P: [laughs] That’s quite good. For a cracker joke, that is quite good. D: That’s your attempt to put it on my head, is it?
P: [laughs] Yep. D: So last time was a bit of a disaster because you were forcing Dil to be a homewrecker. D: Which as I thought would not go down. P: It didn’t go down well. D: You left him mortally embarrassed. P: So, today I think we should have fun. P: I think it should just be a day of fun. D: I think Dil needs a day to himself. D: He keeps chasing these romances that frankly aren’t going anywhere. D: He’s got some time off. It’s the Christmas period. P: Good dream about a unicorn at 7 A.M. D: Look, he just makes it up. D: Before the time he wakes up.
P: What? D: What? Oh dear, we forgot [laughs] we forgot to pay the bills. P: Oh no, we have no power. D: Is he resuming some spaghetti? P: I like how we’ve got no power, but the fridge still has a light in it. D: What are you making? P: Oh, Dil.
D: Ohh, no. D: So, he just cut a bit of his own flesh off. D: And that acquired the gourmet cooking skill apparently.
Both: [laugh] P: That was the ingredient we were missing. P: BLOOD D: Oh, he was making a caprese salad. D: Sorry to say Dil, you’re not a Mia yet.
P: No. D: We’ve got more things in the garden, bloody hell. P: Oh nice. D: This is just a burial ground, isn’t it? P: Do these rocks grow then? Are they like flowers? D: I think, yeah. There must be like a rock tree underneath. D: So, first thing we need to do is pay the bills. P: And then we get the power back. D: Can we have the electricity back, please? P: Please! Can the power companies just do that? P: *power turn on noise* P: Oh, there we go. D: Apparently. P: Oh, he’s gonna resume the cooking? D: He’s resuming his caprese salad. P: That’s actually sections of human finger. P: He’s sad again. D: And he looks like he’s been coal mining. D: Again.
P: Poor Dil. D: And it was…Oh, now he’s inspired, is he?
P: Oh, nice. D: He wants to travel to the museum. P: Well that works with our day of fun. D: Should we travel to the museum? P: Yeah! D: That sounds good. P: How’s his mood, though? Let’s get everything sorted first. D: But first, let’s…[gibberish]…he’s. P: He’s doing it. This is crazy. D: We actually managed to make him obsessed with culinary learning. D: He rather desperately needs a shower. P: Take a thoughtful shower. He stays inspired. D: Really? P: Yeah. D: Ooo, have we had a thoughtful shower yet? P: I’m not sure. D: I’ll have a thoughtful shower. Not steamy. P: Not steamy. D: But thoughtful. P: Mirror butt. D: We’re waiting. P: Oh, I thought you were going to ask me. D: Oh, go. P: You don’t just assume that I’m going to sing for you. D: Hey, Mia! You’d be proud of us. We made a caprese salad. P: Enjoy your time on the zebra crossing.
D: [laughs] P: Ok, mirror butt. D: *beatboxing* P: Eliza, you hated Dil. Won’t let him bring you down. P: Let’s go look at some dead dinosaurs. D: That was better than yesterdays. [laughs] P: [laughs] Thanks, I’m improving. D: Mirror Butt’s EP, coming to Amazon Mp3 Marketplace.
P: Yeah. [laughs] D: Sometime soon. P: This is a looong shower. D: It’s thoughtful. P: I think of all my video ideas in the shower. P: So mine are all thoughtful showers. D: Do you? P: Yeah. D: Wow. D: I think of all of mine lying face down on the carpet. P: Toilet tag in the shower. D: Ironic. You weren’t pooping in the shower, were you? P: Uh, not that time. D: [laughs]
P: He’s done. D: Woooh, he’s neated the hell up. P: Great!
D: Oh, yeah.
P: Before we go to the museum, can we dig up those rocks? P: Cause my curiosity is killing me. D: Priorities, which one first? Shiny or bony? P: Shiny. Dig it.
D: Dig. D: Hyooo. Woop. D: [laughs] We can’t do that every time.
P: [adorableness] Can’t sing that every time. D: Blinkin’ heck. D: Ohhh… D: Oh, that was an awkward knee wobble.
P: Oooo, he tingled on the inside. D: A capsule. P: Have we got another friend? Where are we going to put all these dolls? P: What this time? D: One DJ Candy. Move, Dil. P: DJ Candy, she looks cool. D: [laughs] Our house is just going to be overrun by these weird things. I don’t like them. P: Alright, what’s in this one? D: Ooo, he’s got the little frickin mystery glass. What’s it called? Magnifying glass. P: Life finds a way. D: A limestone.
P: Oh, nice. D: An ancient deposit of sedimentary rock embedded with odd materials. D: Perhaps further investigation will reveal something special. D: Extract! D: A broken fossil. [laughs]
P: A broken…is that it? P: What a let down. P: You know in Jurassic Park when they’re are like “life finds a way”? D: Yeah. P: What does that mean? D: Umm, that life will always find a way to persevere. P: But they were all female dinosaurs. D: Yeah, then they mutated like that weird frog thing. P: Ohhhhhh… D: Where shall we put our new friend, DJ Candy? P: There?
P: Sure. D: Can we still prepare caprese salads? P: Yeah, it looks good there. D: Let’s enable her aura. P: Yeah, maybe it’s gonna make Dil want to DJ. D: Nous sommes allés au la musée. (We went to the museum) P: That was better than my French toast of yesterday, wasn’t it?
D: [laughs] D: The Municipal Muses Museum. D: Alone. D: Today is just a Dil day.
P: It’s all about Dil. D: Not even inviting Zachary Huerta. P: No, I love the Natural History Museum. It’s one of my favorite places. D: It’s a cool building, isn’t it? P: The giant sloth bear. D: They must have so many mysteries. D: Do you ever think about how many things in jars they have? P: I think they’ve many secrets beneath those walls.
D: In the secret places you’re not allowed to go. D: Cool. P: Alright, what can we do in here? D: Is this their nice little cafe area outside? D: Ooooooo
D: Oooooooooo P: So, what is in the museum? A toilet is all I can see so far. D: Well, how’s about we go in? P: Let’s get some culture. It’s a bit bare. D: Let’s view some art. P: Oooo… D: He was having a casual discussion with Weston.
P: Interesting. D: Weston Ayalah. P: Are we going to discuss some art together? P: No, we’re going to discuss bananas.
D: [laughs] P: He looks like a bit of a joker. P: Frogs!
D: Frogs! [laughs] P: Look at that little dog thing. What is that? D: Should we view it? P: Yeah, maybe Weston will view it with us. D: Yep, he was looking at it. P: Oh, they’re bonding. D: Maybe he’s the romantic interest that we’re looking for. P: Maybe it’s destined all along. D: Maybe it’s Weston-y. P: That was good.
D: Was that better than DILigence? P: Maybe.
D: Can I have that? D: He wants to show off his muscles to someone. That’s hilarious. P: Let’s do that.
D: How do we do that? P: Who’s this dude? D: He is…uhhh…Kyler Navarrete. D: Yep, man, just need some bros, forget the hos. P: He just wanted some bro time. D: I’m joking. D: He wants to tell an unbelievable story. D: Should we let him do it?
P: Yeah, let’s do that. D: Tell your unbelievable story, Dil. D: Here we go, on the futon of truth. P: What’s it going to be about? P: Dinosaurs! D: In the, its telling you’re blinkin’ Jurassic, “life finds a way”. P: And then the police came after the dinosaurs.
D: And the po po came. [laughs] D: And the vampire bats attacked.
P: The giant bat. D: It’s Van Helsing. Both: He liked it. D: Alright. P: Shall we look upstairs? D: So, this is a pretty barren ground floor in this blinkin’ museum, isn’t it?
P: I know. P: Maybe there’s some good exhibits up there.
D: What is upstairs? Let’s go. Both: A boat. D: Some funky modern art. OK, let’s take it bit by bit. Both: Let’s view the boat. P: I get so travel sick on boats. D: When was the last time you went on a boat? P: I went on a boat to the Isle of Man. P: And I had eight ferrero rochers before I got on it. P: And I just wanted to throw up the whole time.
D: Oh, [sympathetic laugh] oh no. P: It was horrible.
D: That sounds like a terrible mistake. P: Boat. D: What would you think, Dil? Do you like the boat? P: He wishes he was in the Pirates of the Caribbean. D: *Pirates of Caribbean theme song* P: This is the worst museum I’ve ever seen.
D: This is a pretty s**t museum, isn’t it? D: Frame canvas or name it? D: I will name the painting Susan 2. P: [laughs] You can’t just name things Susan 2. D: I walk into museums, and I name things as I like.
P: You don’t even own it. P: This little child came in thinking of us. P: Hello, child.
D: Dil and Jared are getting to know each other. P: And there’s the mum, again.
D: And that’s the mother. D: Why are you talking to my child? D: Yolanda Hope. Oh, she’s thinking of us. D: Hey, Yolanda. P: He’s having the socialist time ever. D: Vacuuming. I love it. P: Oh, Erica’s here. P: Let’s have a fight.
D: [laughs] Did you see the instant snooty face he pulled as soon as Erica appeared? P: Let’s have a museum fight. D: No, he’s having a nice day.
P: Oh, please. P: Fight.
D: [laughs] Fight. D: So, throw drink, firstly. D: OK. OK. OK. Let’s get into this. Both: [laugh] D: Hello, nemesis. Both: [loudly laugh] P: It’s a red drink.
D: Oh my god. P: Wow. P: Declare enemy? D: Declare enemy. D: This. Is. It. D: Oh my gosh, are they gonna? I’m gonna knock your house down with a tank. Both: Ohhhhhhh… D: They’ve had it. They are now enemies. Oh, this is official. P: Fight. D: Fight? D: Really? D: In front of all, look, it’s all of our new friends. You’re gonna do this? D: OK. OK. Here we go. It’s happening. D: Oh, I didn’t want to make a scene. I wanted to have a nice day, and there we go, oop. P: A fight at the museum. D: [laughs] Weston’s loving it. Front row seat.
P: [laughs] P: Ok, let’s break it up. P: I think Dil won. P: Planes. D: And then planes, yeah, and compu… D: Oh, look, why couldn’t they just go back to demonically smiling? P: I know. D: You know I might go for your secretly love each other theory. P: Let’s look at Erica’s traits. P: She is inherently evil. P: So, I mean. It’s no wonder.
D: [precious laughter] D: I wasn’t aware that evil was a trait. I am… D: EEVIL.
P: She’s evil. D: That doesn’t surprise me. P: Well, I think Dil enjoyed that fight. He’s still feeling confident. D: Let’s just calm ourselves down by viewing some modern art. P: That vest is not really complimenting Israel’s appearance. Both: [laugh] D: Oh, I don’t know. Bright thing… D: OK. He desperately needs to pee. D: Quickly. Quickly. Quickly. D: Where’s the bathroom? Where’s the bathroom? D: Go. Go. Go. D: He wants to upgrade the toilet in the museum.
P: No, let’s not do that. P: Summer Holiday is here. D: Oh my god, we were supposed to be avoiding people these days, look.
P: I know. D: The three people we wanted to avoid were Summer, Eliza, and Erica. P: He’s taking selfies in a museum. D: Well, Israel is not going to be on the party list. Look at them hugging.
P: No. D: Well, Dil has a confident poop. D: He wants to propose a crazy scheme to someone. P: Let’s propose it to Summer. I mean, what have we got to lose? P: Show off the muscles.
D: Show off muscles. P: Yeah, I want to see Dil’s muscles. D: So, Summer, you rejected us because we weren’t physical enough. D: What about now?
P: Well… D: *the cry of flexing and confidence* P: Oh, she likes that.
D: Oh, yeah. D: You want the Dil? D: You can’t get the Dil because today is not about you. P: No. D: Oh. Oh. He wants to propose a crazy scheme. P: Let’s see if she’s into it. D: So, you get a ray gun. D: And a fox. Both: [laugh] P: And a diamond.
D: And then we get the diamonds. P: She agrees.
D: Summer’s up for it. P: She seems to have woken up on the right side of the bed today. P: Cause last time we hung out she was horrible.
D: A bit rude, wasn’t she? D: Well…
P: Oh, excuse me. D: Maybe a little bit of culture helps every body. D: Who are you? Geoffrey Landgraab. P: Everything’s happening at the museum today. D: Practice the piano? D: He doesn’t know anything about the piano.
P: Then it’ll be funny. D: Oh, he’s chatting with Geoffrey Landgraab. P: Geoffrey. D: Baseball…I prefer statues of dogs. P: Don’t trust anyone called Geoffrey. P: Is he making Erica laugh? D: I don’t understand their relationship. They just declared enemies. D: They just punched each other. He threw a drink at her. D: And then they’re like [laughs] baseball. Yeah, yeah. OK, see you later.
P: [laughs] D: Look at his confident straddle. D: Look, this isn’t the same person that was hiding himself from the world yesterday. D: Is it?
P: I know. He just needed sleep, emotional reset. P: Alright, let’s see you tinkle those ivories. *Dil’s piano skills* P: Not bad. D: He acquired the piano skill!
P: Yay! D: He’s got a long way to go, but in two game minutes, he’ll probably be better than me. D: NGL (not gonna lie)
P: [laughs] P: He’s trying to do the *imitates some song*. D: Is he? P: That’s the only song I know. Beautiful! D: [laughs] D: I’m trying to put my finger on it. Can’t quite. P: He’s so relaxed on the piano.
D: Awwww, look at Dil. D: Practicing the piano in a museum. P: He’s having such a lovely day.
D: This is the day he needed. D: He wants to admire himself in the mirror, now. Should we queue that up? P: Yeah. Both: Admire self. P: I’m not sure about this confident trait. It’s a bit… D: No, it’s good, Phil. D: He needs it. P: Admire self. D: Think about what we did to him yesterday. He was hiding under his bedsheets. P: Admire your face. P: Have we spent all day at the museum? D: We have. That is very *gibberish*.
P: What? P: I thought this was meant to be a whole day of activities. D: This was a day of activities. D: That was a very short admire. D: And then he was like, I’m hungry. P: Oh, he wants to eat himself. D: Should we send him home then?
P: Yep. D: OK, time to get some food. D: That was good. P: Yeah.
D: Made a few acquaintances. D: Saw a couple of old people, but it wasn’t too bad. D: Even though he somehow managed to punch Erica in the face and then leave feeling happy.
P: [laughs] P: I did enjoy that fight. D: Look at that hedge. P: That is a sexiest hedge I’ve ever seen.
D: We are winning life. D: Dil wants to eat his caprese salad. D: Sadly.
P: Is it spoiled? D: No. P: Is it ok?
D: It’s ok. D: Quality good. D: And he’s putting on his favorite culinary learning show. P: You brainwashed him. P: It’s like you’ve put him in one of those rooms with his eyes held open. D: All I know is food…
P: Where he’s going to watch loads of flashing images. [laughs] D: I’d really like the day off tomorrow. D: It says we have four days of vacation days. D: And tomorrow is Christmas.
P: Yeah. P: Maybe we can call in. D: Let’s work out how…oh, he’s feeling playful. D: Who’s got a mood-let on?
P: [laughs] D: Enable.
P: Not her. D: Disable. Stop it! D: OK, so let’s see how you take a day off work. D: Phone, take a vacation day. P: Yeah. D: Yes, get Christmas off, Dil. D: You know how it goes. P: My dog weed on my face. D: It’s a vacation day. It’s not a lie day.
P: Oh. D: He’s taking the day off. D: Yeah…
P: Yeah, that’s good. P: I used to ring in to the stationary shop all the time. P: I’d be like, “Oh, *in the voice of pain* my stomach really hurts. D: Well, I once said I had diarrhea when I wanted to go to a music festival, and lots of people on the internet know how that goes. P: [laughs] Oh yeah. D: Is a book his perfect end to the day? D: What’s he reading now? D: The First Unicorn P: Aww, Dil. D: Imagine the surprise when overnight a horn springs straight up from the middle of a horse’s forehead. D: The former horse named Moon is now on a quest to find out what happened to her, and to see if there are any others of her kind. P: That sounds like the worst book ever. D: And I don’t want to check out the kind of art that the fandom draw. P: [laughs] Let’s look on the phone and see what else we can do on it. P: Browse the web. We haven’t done that yet. D: We haven’t actually browsed the web yet. Have we?
P: No. D: OK.
P: Does he like the internet? D: Do some internets. D: The first thing he does is look up squid. Of course he does. Hasn’t changed.
P: [laughs] P: Do you see Dan and Phil Games? D: Are you enjoying the internet? D: Yes! [laughs]
P: [laughs] D: So, what do we do with his energy before we turn this in? P: We got a gym rat thing.
D: Yes. P: He’s still looking slightly pancakeified in the stomach region.
D: [laughs] D: It’s Christmas tomorrow though. He’s probably going to eat a lot. P: Yeah, so maybe we should work out, so he’s got an appetite. D: Is that what we’re going to do? Are we gonna work out before Christmas day? P: Just did. D: You doing your desk exercises again? [laughs]
P: Yeah. P: You know it works. D: Oh, no.
P: Eliza’s here. D: Every one we want to avoid. P: Awkward…
D: It’s OK. D: Because he is confident and happy, and he don’t need no lady. P: We haven’t used the running machine yet. Let’s do that. D: Get on that running machine. Hopefully he won’t fall off like Vernon did. Boop. D: And he’s having a nice chat with… P: She’s wearing my shirt. D: Joelle O’Donnell, who is wearing Phil’s shirt. P: Weather. *tripping sound* D: Op, no, don’t chat and run.
P: Op. [laughs] D: Limited attention span. D: Silly me, he’s feeling playful because he tripped. P: Oh, I liked how he brushed that one off instead of being all embarrassed. D: Maybe this is him growing as a person. P: Maybe.
D: He’s embracing the awkward moments. P: He’s running and thinking of llamas. P: See if that’s making him happy now because of the thing we bought. D: Oh my god. P: He likes it!
D: He’s finding it fun! D: He wants to do an impression for someone. Should we uhhh… P: Ooo, are they flirting? D: Flash crazy eyes, impishly pester, or make a flirtatious joke. P: Do crazy eyes. I want to see Dil’s crazy eyes. Both: [loudly laugh] D: She does like it. P: Those were some crazy eyes. D: Wow.
P: Who is this Josie O’Donnell? D: Joelle. P: Oh.
D: Or is it… D: Joelle (pronounced like Jewel, sorta)?
P: Joelle (same Jewel pronunciation). D: Impishly pester. D: What does that entirely mean? Oh, he’s level two fitness now. P: Oh, nice. P: Does she like the pestering?
D: Ohh [laughs].
P: Ohhh… D: Bit too playful Dil.
P: Didn’t like that one. D: Come on, you just met this person. Bring it back. Both: Apologize. D: I’m so sorry. D: I like your shirt.
P: She looks like she should be… D: [laughs] She’s doing the crazy eyes back.
P: What is this thing? P: Can you do crazy eyes? P: Just throwing it out there. Is she single? That’s not a flirtatious thing. It’s just a question. D: Phil, you’re so insidious.
P: It’s just a question. P: I mean. They just seem to be getting on quite well. D: We’ve said that about every body. Both: She is. D: But what’s the lesson of today? P: She’s talking about tanks. P: The lesson of today is it’s all about fun. Don’t force anything. P: Love finds a way. Jurassic Park. P: Every one’s female, including Dil. He could lay the eggs, but we don’t know how. D: Yeah, and that’s the point of the video.
P: Yeah. D: Uhh, great, well, OK. [laughs] D: Oh, look who’s joined. P: Eliza. D: This is getting awkward. Fast-forward, fast-forward. Oh my god. P: Endless running.
D: That’s weird. D: He’s getting tired and a bit hungry. I think it’s time. P: Time to go home.
D: Whilst he’s having fun. P: What is he doing? [laughs]
D: There’s nothing quite like Dil listening to pop. Is there? P: I’m so fond of Dil. Every episode we do, I feel like… P: He get’s another little piece of my heart.
D: I know. He is a special snowflake. Isn’t he? P: Yep, all right, let’s go home. D: And there he goes, straight into bed. D: Feeling happy, inspired, and asleep.
P: Dreaming about robots. D: That’s how to have a good day. P: He fell asleep really fast. On Christmas Eve, it takes me at least four hours to fall asleep. D: Yeah, and I’d be awake at like 3 A.M. like, Christmas!
P: [laughs] D: And don’t sleep in too much on Christmas day. D: My, my. D: I think we should save it there. D: Well, tomorrow is the Big C.
P: Christmas! D: I think I have a plan.
P: Do you? D: Yep. P: What’s the plan?
D: I don’t want him to be alone at Christmas. He hasn’t found a special someone, so… D: I think we should throw a Christmas party and invite every one we’ve ever met.
P: Yeah! P: That sounds like a good idea.
D: The first one went pretty horribly wrong, but we have 300 simoleans. [laughs] D: Hopefully that’s enough to do a bit of a party. Maybe we could even cater it ourselves.
P: That’d be good. D: A party with Summer, Eliza, Erica, our arch nemesis, and everyone we’ve met. D: What could go wrong? D: Or maybe perfectly right. P: I’ll guess we’ll find out. D: Tune in tomorrow for the last day of Dilmas. P: Thanks for watching! If you enjoyed Dil’s day of self-discovery, please tickle us with your thumbs. D: And if you haven’t already click subscribe or *gibberish* video for the next day of Dilmas. [laughs]
P: Blah, blah, blah. D: I like this party hat.
P: I’m gonna try to blow it off your head. Caption Author: Click the big yellow words to subscribe (do it, they are awesome) or view the video posted right before this on the right. D: [laughs]
P: I didn’t think that was going to work. D: Goodbye. P: Fail.