Daniel Tosh: Happy Thoughts – Work of Art

Daniel Tosh: Happy Thoughts – Work of Art


EVERY YEAR ON MY BIRTHDAY, I GET A SMALL DASH
ON MY INNER THIGH WHERE MY BALLS
CURRENTLY HANG. [laughter] YOU CAN’T TELL ME
THAT’S NOT GONNA BE A BEAUTIFUL WORK OF ART
WHEN IT’S FINISHED. MY GRANDKIDS
ARE PLAYING WITH MY BALLS, THEY CAN’T FIGURE IT OUT. THEY’RE LIKE, “WHAT THE HELL
ARE THESE THINGS?” I’M LIKE,
“IT’S YOUR FUTURE. READ THE CHART.” THEY DON’T STOP GROWING.
THEY’RE LIKE EARLOBES. [laughter] THAT JOKE WAS INSPIRED
BY A DOOR THAT WASN’T LOCKED WHEN I WAS 11. [laughter] HOW ABOUT
THOSE WINTER OLYMPICS? THEY WERE EXCITING,
WEREN’T THEY? FINALLY,
WE GOT TO FIGURE OUT WHICH COUNTRY CAN SLIDE DOWN
A HILL FASTER. NOT GEORGIA. [audience ohs]
OOH. OH, I’M SORRY. BIG LUGE FANS, ARE YOU,
HERE IN SAN FRAN? TAKE THAT LUGE SERIOUSLY,
DON’T YOU? THE WINTER OLYMPICS
ARE POINTLESS. I’LL SAY IT.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I ASSUME THE ONLY REASON
WE HAVE THEM IS SO WHITE PEOPLE
FEEL RELEVANT IN SPORTS, BECAUSE OTHER THAN THAT,
THE ONLY THING THE WINTER OLYMPICS
SHOW ME IS WHICH COUNTRY
HAS MORE RICH WHITE KIDS? WHAT’S IT COST TO GO SKIING? $900 A DAY? “OH, I CAN’T BELIEVE
THAT’S NOT MORE POPULAR IN THE INNER CITIES.” HMM. “HEY, LATRELL, YOU WANNA PLAY
BASKETBALL TODAY?” “NO, MAN, I’M GOING
TO BRECKENRIDGE.” “OH. “LAH-DEE UNCLE TOM DAH. LATRELL’S GOING
TO BRECKENRIDGE.” [laughter] I HATE THE SUMMER GAMES,
FOR THAT MATTER. I JUST DON’T WANT PARENTS
TO BE REWARDED FOR ENCOURAGING THEIR KIDS TO FORFEIT
THEIR ENTIRE CHILDHOOD PERFECTING A SPORT
NO ONE CARES ABOUT FOR 3 YEARS AND 11 MONTHS
AT A TIME, THEN FOR ONE MONTH,
I GOT TO ACT AS IF THE VAULT AFFECTS
MY PATRIOTISM. IT DOESN’T. I HOPE YOU MISS THE JUMP
AND RIB CAGE IT. YEAH. DO THAT FOR OLD GLORY. ENJOY YOUR EATING DISORDER, ASK YOUR MOM WHY
YOU STOPPED GROWING AT 4’3″, AND REMEMBER, EVERY GUY SAYS
HAMMERTOE’S A DEAL BREAKER. I’M NOT TOUCHING YOUR FEET,
MARY LOU. THEY’RE DISGUSTING. [cheers and applause]

Dereck Turner

29 thoughts on “Daniel Tosh: Happy Thoughts – Work of Art

  1. jonathan miller says:

    No nigga I was first

  2. Andres says:

    Finally some more Tosh videos! I love this man. 3 more seasons of Tosh.0!

  3. Logan StewartWrestlingdude says:

    4th

  4. darknightoftroy says:

    Wow, that was savage.
    Amusing though.

  5. Samurai_Aldo says:

    58 likes and 0 dislikes… Tosh for the win.

  6. AnthonydoesYT says:

    WE NEED 10X MORE TOSH AND LESS OF EVERYBODY ELSE!! I NEEDED A NEW TOSH SPECIAL LAST YEAR!!

  7. Kyra Thapa says:

    Daniel Tosh is the best❤️

  8. Alyssa Green says:

    Can I get a thumbs up/comment for everyone who hates tosh and solely looked at this for hating him

  9. Eggbert08 says:

    I love u Tosh!!!

  10. Freddy Who? says:

    Chad danials

  11. t n says:

    I don’t get the Georgia joke does anyone know what it means

  12. Diego Oliveira says:

    Tosh is VICIOUS

  13. Steve Gordon says:

    Fuck that  filthy jew.

  14. Emilio Paredes says:

    hola

  15. bargh70 says:

    The winter olympics are truly the most ridiculous dumb shit rich people are pushing down our throats.

  16. Edward Martin says:

    Way world female emotion marry violence frustration ground into developer.

  17. Gordon Harris says:

    Funny and offensive! Perfection! 👌🏽

  18. DimasPrasetya says:

    Genius

  19. Clark Parker says:

    You're grandkids playing with your BALLS?!

  20. ScootMagoot46 says:

    Skiing really is expensive. At least $100-$125 a day not including housing or food.

  21. Nicholas Zidarescu says:

    Someone explain the "not Georgia" joke pls

  22. Nick Sacco says:

    Why does the set look like Daniel Tosh is about to unveil the iphone for the first time

  23. Adam Moody says:

    Classic

  24. Madison One says:

    Tosh & Jimmy Carr

  25. Lost Aquarian says:

    Normally I like him… until he suggests blacks are unable to aspire and attain anything but the inner-city.

  26. Mkaay says:

    He cracks me up!

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