On today’s episode of “All Work No Play.” (chainsaw buzzing) Whose idea was this? This is a terrible idea. Coming up. (video game music) ♪ All Work, No Play ♪ Holy cow. This is it. We’re doing it again. We’re back. This is the show that we did before and we’re doing it again. Yes, we did it before, and now we’re doing it again. Again, again. You know what’s interesting about this is that if you’re tuning in for the first time to “All Work No Play” with me, Liam O’Brien. And me, Sam Riegel. This started out as a podcast in your basic-ass VO booth in your house, right? Yes, yep. And when we got together, we were using it as an excuse to get together and spend time and we’re gonna do it every week, every other week, once a month. Yearly. Two times a year we’ll definitely get one in, and then we started playing dice games on the internet, and it just stalled out because we didn’t have time. Then we brought it back, and we’re like, “It’s back.” It’s back. “All Work No Play” it’s a real thing. It’s a show on our channel. It’s happening. We’re gonna do it, and we’re gonna follow up with another season. And then 2019 happens. 2019. And I feel like there needs to continue to be escalation, and the only thing I can think of– Oh, you think we’re heightening some sort of joke. Yeah, yeah. And the next– So each episode is gonna get a little farther and farther apart until, finally, we die (laughs). Well, I think there’s maybe one step before definitely we’re gonna die, like everyone before us. But this show will run its course, and then some time will pass, and then we’ll form some sort of totalitarian government run by us like “All Work No America.” Okay. And we’ll give– You’ve really been thinking about this. Yes. We’ll give addresses to the people once a week. Every other week most of the time. It might slip to three weeks, every three weeks, once a year. So even as an authoritarian government we won’t be able to keep a schedule. Yes, and it will lead to total heat death. I love it.
Yeah. Let’s do it.
Okay. That’s a long-term plan. That’s our goal, that’s our goal. Hey, if you’re just joining us though, seriously, we’re so excited to be back, and you might notice some changes around the old AWNP set (laughs). We moved it a little bit. That’s it, like we used to sit over there. We slid forward 20 feet. And now we sit over here. That’s the big move. I’m liking it so far. And if we continue on with season three, we’ll be in the parking lot. Yes, yep. Just out that door. Silhouetted through the door outside. But it’s exciting to be back. We have some drinks, courtesy of our producer who genuinely really exists, Natasha, and she made these for us, and they’re some sort of a margarita. It’s a chainsaw margarita. Why would it be a chainsaw margarita, Liam? Well it’s right on theme with what we did for our first outing. We did some fun. We done some fun. Yeah, we did, we did. We should just get into it, I guess? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, why not? Why keep the people waiting any longer? This time on “All Work No Play” we decided to do some chainsaw art. Now, I’m not sure how this got decided. I remember a meeting where we were pitching out ideas, and I pitched out painting, like an art class. Yeah, chill stuff because I’ve broke my body 22 times on season one. We’re like “Let’s take it nice, “let’s just chill things out.” Yeah, but somehow that became chainsaw art, which is the most hardcore form of art if I do say so myself. The pinnacle of. That, and maybe puppetry of the penis. That is another sort of hardcore art form. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It goes, cubism, Rauschenberg, chainsaw art, and then just like one tic above that is making your penis and balls into a hamburger in “Puppetry of the Penis.” That is true, I have seen the show, and that is most of act one, is making your cock and balls into a hamburger. Art takes all kinds of forms. That’s right. This is technically a kind of art, but way below hamburger penis. Yeah. (laughs) Now, tell me this, Liam, are you an art lover? We’re from the east coast. We’re from the New York. Did you go to museums, as my grandmother called them? Did she really? She did, she was from the old country. Which was what? Germany. Oh yeah?
Yeah. I didn’t know that either. Boy, you’re spillin’ all kinds of secrets today on the show, off the show. My grandmother would always encourage us to go to museums. And I am fond of art. I even worked for an artist when I lived in New York. I worked for a woman named Emily Mason. I was her assistant. What was her medium? She painted gigantic canvases. Oh wow. She was a, oh boy, expressionist? Neo-expressionist? Abstract expressionist painter. Sounds fake. Married to another painter named Wolf Khan, and my job was like to take pictures– Wolf Kahn? Yeah. That’s like a cobra name in G.I. Joe. That’s not a real name. He did say, “Go Joe” every time I left the studio. I felt like I was in the art scene. I don’t know if… I don’t know your appreciation of art. I also, you know when I grew up, I went to my other grandma’s house who had a farmhouse in Virginia, and that place was surrounded by art. A lot of nude stuff. A lot of naked men, naked women. There was also some statues in the garden, and one of them was a big piece made out of metal, circles and squares and geometric shapes, but in the middle of the circle there was a tiny hole, and if you pressed your eye up against it, you could see a naked lady inside. Yeah, it’s my grandma’s statue. My mom and dad moved down from upstate New York to Jersey, and I grew up on that cliff facing New York City. First stop out of the tunnel, and so we would go in and see Broadway shows, and I went to every museum multiple times. Had a lot of art in my life, and then one of my best friends as a kid, his dad, Steve Drucker, was an artist, and would make at his house, he had all these– Steve Drucker? Steve Drucker. The lead singer of Hootie & the Blowfish? Sure, let’s go with that. And he would weld metal and he blew glass, and there were like, I remember he had this installation in their home of these, just like, desert coyotes made out of iron or something. Cool. Yeah, they were really cool. And if I’m remembering right, and this was my friend’s cool dad who introduced me to things like “Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind,” and Japanese robots, and just cool shit, and I think he sculpted initial builds for toys, and I just remember there being “Dune” worms in his house, and I feel like he worked on a “Terminator” action figure– What? Back in the day. Just for passion or did he– No, no, I mean I think he went from artist to designer for toys, and I think he went towards Hasbro eventually. Oh wow. Could be getting that wrong. Well, let’s just say that he is the President of Hasbro. Of Hootie and the Blowfish. Sure (laughs). The guy from Hootie and the Blowfish runs Hasbro. That is amazing. I know. Anyone can become President of anything. That’s true, we know that for sure. Speaking of art, we should just get into it. So, we were accompanied by our friend Julie Nathanson who is amazing. She’s a talented voice-over actor. She has been on the Critical Roles, right? She also did a little “My Little Pony” thing with us. Well, that was the Critical Roles she did and she– Wasn’t she on the Christmas thing? Oh derp, yeah. Yes she was, she played an adorable elf for Christmas and then a pony. No, a unicorn. She’s also highly intelligent and just like one of the kindest people that I think we know. She is pure good. She is lawful good and hilarious and awesome, but we took her to Calabasas ’cause that’s what you do. For the juxtaposition because she is so dear, and but then we thought it would be good she also has like super guns, and her arms looked like Tyler Durden raw as we wielded chainsaws, but we thought that would be a good match, and we weren’t disappointed. The gentleman who helped us, let’s start there. His name was Stacy, correct? Stacy, I got it right. First words out of his mouth were what again? Yeah, she’s finger fuckin’ a skull. Oh God! We’re in it. We’re already in it. I feel like this is the first episode of “All Work No Play” that we might have to bleep. We may have to censor this episode because it was it got, it went to level 10 right away. We get fairly blue on everything we do on this channel, and I feel like he out-blued us. He did. Three seconds in. Is that a portrait of someone you know or…? This is actually, I’m carving the seven deadly sins. This is my version of lust, from the seven deadly sins. And I have wrath. Okay. Right there. That’s justice, chopping off a guy’s head. Yeah. Or about to. Yeah and greed based on Hieronymus Bosch painting. This is like– These are gorgeous This is metal, this is awesome. No, it’s wood Sam. Oh, that’s right. It’s wood.
I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do with him. You did this all with chainsaws. It’s 99% chainsaw. Got it. And then– The rest is love. But he showed us around his art is really beautiful. Yeah. And I was impressed that he could get that level of fine detail out of a chainsaw. Yeah, I think I was expecting before we got there more abstract and chunkier-looking art, but he had, it was a full figure with just like a delicate features, a woman’s face, fingers and a skull. Delicate other kinds of features that he proudly showed off. Yes, yes. I think it’s, oh, the light’s falling. Off to a good start! I’m gonna hold still like nothing’s going wrong. Don’t worry, it’s probably fine (laughs). Okay, just like chainsaw art. I was a painter. And I was goin’ to fine art school, thought I wanted to be a painter, and I saw a guy on the side of the road with a chainsaw, carving a bear out of a stump, and I thought, not only is that fuckin’ cool, and manly, but it’s sensitive and, you know, very special with a rainbow on it. So I was like, I wanna do that. I wanna be the manly lumberjack with a rainbow t-shirt. But then I got distracted, because he had two dogs, and I am a dog lover with no dog of my own. Who is this? That’s Bach Bach. Bach Bach, come here. (speaking gibberish) Okay. Let me get back into frame. He used to be a Doberman Pinscher, but he got chainsawed down. Yeah you shaved him down and down and down. They were cute. They were very cute. He had a medium size and small, and the small’s name was Bachus. Or Bach Bach. Bach Bach, he had a bunch of names. Or Barkus. Barkus? Or shut the fuck up Barkus. Shut the fuck up Barkus. Hi shut the fuck up Barkus. Okay, this episode is no longer about chainsaws or sculpting for me, it is about this dog. So you two enjoy, and I will be over here with this guy. But super adorable, little nervous guy, but once I picked Bachus up, (speaking gibberish) I was never gonna put Bachus down. He was yours forever. Now you, when we started this season, you laid out some guidelines about what you would and wouldn’t do. You were injured last season. You have a reason to be scared of certain things. You didn’t want to go skydiving. You didn’t want to go bungee jumping. I never wanna do either of those things. Sure, can I just point out, though? Yeah. I haven’t looked up the statistics, but I’m gonna say that, statistically, chainsaw is way more dangerous than either of those things. (beeping) (fart squelches) Based in hard research, of course. I have not looked at this at all, but I fee like I’m right. Definitely, yeah. When he started telling us about the different safety precautions, and things we need to worry about, about these heavy machines that we were gonna be holding. There were so many ways we could be– Yeah, he talked about how the thing is basically like a machine gun, right? And it will go (imitating chainsaw). So you had to be ready for that in advance to not let it go up, and you also didn’t wanna have it right in front of you. So you didn’t chainsaw your face. You want it off-center so that if it did go up it would go past your shoulder. What was that term he used? The sherp, the shurg, the churg? So back to the curf thing, Yeah, okay, the curf. Stay out of it, so if it kicks, it’ll maybe cut your ear off which is better than your skull. Yeah, that’s a very artistic thing to do also. My ear is problematic anyways so it would be an improvement. And also, never cut with the top. Okay. Only the bottom. What happens if you cut with the top? That’s when it kicks back. That’s when it will come back at you. You know what? And you might have a problem with this. I learned many years ago not to carve like this. Oh yeah, I smile a lot. Yeah. He’s 80% smile. I am. Nice lookin’ chiclets there goin’ too. So I gotta frown? Yeah, yeah, do your best Liam O’Brien impression. There you go. I’m nervous about the not smiling part. I know. You can smile, if you show your teeth and a piece of wood comes back and hits your tooth, it could crack your tooth. Oh Jesus.
Jeepers creepers. And I learned that the hard way. This is the worst. Who’s idea was this? I didn’t realize I used to carve like this until I cracked a tooth. I was like, “What the fuck, why am I carving like this?” Sam, did we find your greatest fear? This is my greatest fear. I have to not smile all day. Your head is like 70% smile. It’s just all teeth.
It is. And even though you were told in advance not to do it, still like… (chainsaw buzzing) I can’t help it. It’s a problem that I have. I smile a lot to wash away the sadness that is deep in my soul, maybe? Is it there? I don’t know. We talked about this a little at dinner last night. You’re so gnomish. I don’t know, maybe I am a genuinely sad person and this smile is a shield, maybe. Let’s just leave that up to the audiences imagination. We’ll do a twitter poll (laughs). That’s the best way to analyze anyone therapeutically. Are you pure sunshine or is it a thin candy-coating to a heart of darkness? I don’t know. You suggested last night that I go to therapy. Well, I just said that it’s good for you. Maybe this episode, with the smiling thing, maybe this is the thing that pushes me into therapy. Chainsaws. I mean it’s a very personal choice. It’s great for everybody. I think it’s a very healthy thing, it can make anybody feel better. You seem good, but then also, sometimes your eyes are dead inside. (laughs) Maybe season three is just me in therapy. Yeah? Yeah, bunch of GoPro’s. But could I stand behind the therapist and just go like… That would be great. Before, did I just don’t plunge cut? No, what is that? Don’t plunge cut. Okay, cool. That’s when you take the thing and you go in like this. Why would you do that? Because you gotta get into places. But then how do you do that? How do you get in? You just do it. But you just said not to do it. You guys, I said you don’t do it. You plunge cut. I plunge cut, you guys don’t plunge cut. So Stacy, may I call you Stacy? Yeah. What’s like the biggest thing? Have you ever carved a whole tree? how big can these things get? As big as the tree is. The biggest human… (Julie laughs) I didn’t even know I was making a joke. That guy right there, for the most part, is the biggest human I’ve made. That’s a tall drink of water. It’s beautiful. Not the biggest penis I’ve made, though. I mean, just looking at that, it seems kinda small. I’m just judging based on what I know. It was cold that day.
Seems pretty small. Well, we’re terrified so we should just plunge into it and– No, you’re not supposed to plunge. Oh, no plunging I’m sorry, I’m sorry. We were told that explicitly. If you plunge you gotta hold on really tight. Yeah Hold on tight to the plunger. Got it. But you wanna show us around to what we’re going to be working on tonight? Yeah, I have a couple of logs set up over here for you guys. Okay, excited. Very excited. Can’t we procrastinate another minute? Nope
No more. What about the other rodents? You’re going! We’re gonna carve something out of these pieces of wood. That’s the size of me. That’s a big. That’s what I’m gonna do. I’m going to make a Julie Nathanson. Oh, that’s not weird at all. We’re going to carve something out of this. A sphere, a box, something basic. Well Julie was talking about how it’s Pride month and we have this rainbow thing so what about a heart or something with love? A heart. That’s a great idea. Yeah. ‘Cause it’s a basic shape, same on both sides, you can break it if you want to. If something bad happens. (crosstalk) It’s likely in life and with this wood here. And if that happens I will cry either way so it’s perfect. Well that will be the sawdust. And that will also help me not cut my cheeks because I won’t be smiling anymore. This is a great plan. Let’s do it. This show was about love. It’s about our affection. The love of each other. I love you. Oh Geez. I’m not afraid to say it. I love you too. I’m glad that you said it back ’cause that would’ve been really awkward rest of the episode. But gripping internet entertainment. If you had just said ditto or something. Cool. I have to do a little bit of prep. It’ll just take a minute. So you guys can– Don’t fall. That’s the most dangerous thing. Please hold that. So you’re holding that one. And will something hold the rainbow saw? I’m gonna put this on. Yeah, put your stuff on. This goes first. I fear I’m going to get a haircut I did not intend today. Someone pick that one up. I’ll hold it for a little while. I can’t hear you!
I can’t hear you! I say I’ll hold it for a little while! The rest of the episode is us yelling! Wait, wait, let me get something out of my system. Hail the king, baby, look at me I’m Leatherface! (Sam laughing) I knew there’d be a “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” reference. (chainsaw buzzing) (bleeping) Maybe in future episodes of this show we shouldn’t pick an activity that is objectively hard to record sound for. Yeah, yeah. (heavy metal music) That’s it right, we’re done? Huh? That’s it, we’re done? No, hold onto that. Oh god! I don’t think this is wise. All right, so that’s your log. That’s my log. So we’re gonna do a heart. So it’s equal on both sides, hopefully. Basically, you do this. Okay. Yeah, so, you’re gonna go like that, right. So there’s your heart. See what I’m saying. Now I see it. All I see is nipples. There’s a heart with nipples. All I see is breasts. Same, same.
There we go. So what you guys don’t know, is that when I was in college, I had to take a class where I had to draw my hand and I have zero visual art skills, so instead of doing that I cried for 24 hours, and then I brought in my tears so so far this is terrible. And then the next semester, I really wanted to challenge myself so I took an art class, and I walked in, I was really excited, I walked in, and I saw everyone painting, and I walked out. So this is scary enough without the chainsaws, guys. It’s beautiful
Yours is good. And then the cutting started and literally the first three times I fired up, Stacy went… Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, oh, hey, oh. Whoa, whoa. Whoa. Hey, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What? What I do? Ho, ho. Ho, ho, ho. Go like this. Not like this. Go like that, it’s the worst angle ever. Oh, okay. (Sam laughing) I thought you couldn’t be wrong in art! You can’t, you’re just gonna hurt yourself doing it that way. And how did it feel? When I watched Stacy do it, it looked like he was cutting through butter and it was just like one curved line and never stopped. And I went (imitating chainsaw) and it would catch, and I think that I was going off axis a little bit, which is probably really dangerous, For sure it is. Which is why Stacy leaped in to save my life. At one point I was looking at your blade. Blade, carver, saw? Saw. And I could see the metal part of the chainsaw and then the chain was way over here. It was like you had been dragging it over and the chain was like a– Like a bike chain. Like a bike chain being pulled to its limit. Right there, yeah? Yeah. (chainsaw buzzing) Whoa, whoa, whoa! The chain was stuck in there. The chain’s coming off. Who want’s to try? (Sam laughing) You know, I’m good over here! If that chain comes off, it’ll… If it breaks, it’ll go through the sprocket and it’ll whip, like a tiny little bo-whip. That’s great. And it’ll come back and slice your wrist. That’s what I want. Jesus. So don’t do that. I feel really safe! A beginner might not get the chain off and cut their wrist but as I’ve been doing this for a while… (chainsaw buzzing) Oh my god!
There you go. (Julie and Sam cheering) Good job. The hard part is truly over. That is the hardest part. So here’s what you’re gonna do. The most dangerous thing. Oh good. Take the bottom part of the– It’s not the most dangerous. The bottom part of the tip. (chainsaw buzzing) Oh he’s just carving a shape with it. Draw the heart. Barely get in there or you’ll break the chain. Just the tip. I broke a chain once and it was on that big one, and it whipped me around my waist and there was blood gushing everywhere. I thought I cut myself in half, and I wiped it away with a towel and it wasn’t that bad, it was only like 2,000 little cuts. Did you get 2,000 little stitches? No, they were too small for stitches. We’re not gonna do that today. No, you’re gonna… See Julie, you’re fine. It’s just little cuts. I love my friends. (chainsaw buzzing) Move your body, yeah. There, you’re done, you’re done. That’s really good. That’s good. I didn’t follow the lines, but I didn’t die. Who cares about the lines. You made new lines. Okay, don’t go deep, use your body, go for the under side. Just put the tip in, yeah. Nothing sexual here. (screams) (chainsaw buzzing) Move your body. Use your body. Okay, you’re done. That’s great! Still alive. Good job. Do you think Julie liked it? Do you think she had a good time doing this? I think she did. I think that she was nervouse like we were. It felt a little precarious, but it did feel empowering too. Like you did feel like Jason Voorhees holding that thing like you could do anything. Lead singer of Hootie and the Blowfish. Yes, yes. God, I love his work. (chainsaw buzzing) Oh, yes! Nice! Feels good. Stop smiling! Oh yes, stop smiling! All right, blow it off. Blow it, blow on it. Blow out. Wow Oh man. Deep cut. Should I keep going? No. (Rock music) Sexy. You wanna do the other side Liam? Or wait, let’s blow. Let’s co-blow. All work, no play. (Sam laughing) Whoa. You cut into the heart a little bit. It’s all right, my twenties were tough. There was a giant mound of logs behind us and in an effort to back away from each other risking our individual lives, we were climbing up on this thing it’s a wonder that none of this slipped, rolled off of a log and broke an ankle, clonked our head or something. Yeah because we were standing on a pile of logs. Loose logs. Loose logs while watching people carry literal murder weapons. Like, there have been movies based on people killing people with chainsaws. We were holding murder weapons in our hands. Season three of this is just going to be knife fights. Slipping our groins into vises and just twisting each other in. Oh god. That’s a hobby right? Sure? Down with slap fights, we’ll do book fights. This was the most dangerous activity we’ve ever done which is why I don’t know why you’re so opposed to skydiving. It’s fine, we’re gonna live. If the chainsaw were to go out of control and strike my body, I’d probably be maimed. For sure you would. Or lose a limb, or my money maker would be damaged, but if I were to jump out of a plane and I know most of the time it’d be fine and I probably would get addicted to it. But, if I were to do it and the chute didn’t open, I always just think about that last 30 seconds going like, “You played yourself, man. This is it, you did this to you.” I feel like you would have the same conversation with yourself if you were in the back of an ambulance without these three fingers wrapped around– But I’d still be alive and on my way to becoming a vigilante or a super villain. If I jumped out of a plane, I would just be done! Done! That’s fair. I feel like there’s a happy medium (laughs). You guys, you and all my friends and the internet need to back off because it’s just inviting problems. I’m never jumping out of a plane. I’m never eating a hot pepper. I’m not doing it! How about this. Stop. We’ll do a Twitter poll and they can decide if you’re gonna jump out of a plane. So after getting the main chunks out of the way and getting vaguely the shape of a heart, and we moved on to finer touches and polishing, and we started to use just the, was it the top edge of the chainsaw? It was just the tip. Just the tip. And did a little (imitates chainsaw) all over it that to the point where it felt like shaving or manscaping. You’re talking about when we’re beveling the sides. Beveling was the term you used. Yeah, I think we did use the top for that. Yes. Which he had specifically told us, “do not ever use the top.” Never cut with the top. Well, maybe he just meant for making cuts. For this it was just like little tiny taps so it was like smoothing things out and it really felt like manscaping to me. You’re manscaping, Liam, manscape. Do you manscape? Sure. I mean, I know, but for the people. That’s my husbandly responsibility. How do you manscape, do you shave? With a chainsaw. (chainsaw buzzing) Wonderful. You haven’t beveled yet, have you? I don’t know. Time to bevel. Clean it up a little. It’s like using it as a sander. Or trimming a dog. That’s how I give the chihuahua a haircut. I fixed a cat
That looks good. with a chainsaw once. Liam come fix it! Come fix it? I think there’s vultures up there. They’re waiting for your impending death. They know we’re gonna die? There’s literal vultures up there. You wanna get the nipples off of it. So, same principle only you’re doing it like this. Just to get the drawing off. All right, here I come like Twitch terms of service. There you go. You’re gettin’ a little too much with the top. You wanna keep it like that. Almost flat. Yeah, ’cause see how you gettin’ these lines. I do, I do. Don’t be so aggressive when you stroke it. Too aggressive at your stroking. This has been a problem with him for years. Oh, yes. I just thought of you. I know. That’s all you gotta do.
It’s so smooth. It almost looks lubricant. So you guys can fuck around with that thing as much as you want until you think it’s done. I think it’s done (laughs). I don’t think it’s done but I don’t think it’s gonna get any better? What about– It’s just gonna have more individual little divots and lines. No one tells me to stop, Sam! Yeah, so we smoothed it out. It was just a flat-cut tree and we sort of gave it a second little angle all the way around, and then we needed to do something with it. (energetic banjo music) There you go. Wow, that’s amazing. Bite me. I really do want to bite you now. That’s impressive. All right, so that’s how you do letters. What about putting initials? You guys wanna put your initials in there? What Julie? I can’t hear you! Do you want to put your initials in there? In the heart? Oh, that’s a good idea. You guys should totally do that. S plus L. So it’s kinda like how they carve into trees, people who love each other. Like the giving tree, except it’s us. You have to do the S. I will do the S Is this a bromance or is that what you guys are doing? That’s one way of lookin’ at it. (Sam laughing) You had a little difficulty with the S ’cause that is not straight lines. Everybody else got to do straight lines. I love writing my own name. I love it. And this was the first time that I’ve had so much trouble doing it. Do you get super excited every time you write an S because it has the potential to be your name? Yes. But it’s hard to make an S with a chainsaw. (Sam screaming) That was a mini kickback. (Julie screaming) That was a kickback? You got a mini kickback there. You’re doing good, use the bottom half of the tip. There you go. Now move over and, you know, don’t contort your body. (Sam screaming) Go over there. Go further over here. Do it from here. Okay, okay. Or it’s gonna run. You know what? I can fix it, I can fix it. You’re doing good. Nope. This is the hardest (screams). Fuck it, I can’t do it. (chainsaw buzzing) That’s how you do it! It’s a plus, it’s so much easier to make a plus. I couldn’t do it, I failed. And you know who could do it? You.
This guy. You stepped in. I study you. I study your name, I study your ways. I study your movements. You stepped in and you had a fluidity to your body that I’m glad that other people get to see. I normally get to see it, but you just– I was impressed. That’s great. Oh, you’re going back to the S. Watch the tip! There you go. Now I get it. Look, a little flare at the end! Wow, you actually fixed my S. I have a grace that makes sculptures go, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.” It’s true. Wait, whoa. I gotta cut this thing off and I’ll cut that one off. What does that mean, what do you mean cut it off? I’m cuttin’ off from here, takin’ it off. Oh! Somebody needs to hold it so it doesn’t fall while I’m doing it. Not it! (dramatic orchestral music) I’ll tell you when. You’re gonna hold it. Hold this. From this side? Stand right here. Right there? Don’t do it! This is the most dangerous fuckin’ thing I’ve ever done. You don’t have to hold it anymore, you’re scaring me. Awe, thank you. There you go. I’m so touched. Which one of you guys is gonna cut yours off? With the big saw. With the big saw? Take this back to the studio, yeah. One of you hold it and the other one cut it. Nope. I’ll cut. Really? I’ll cut. I was just kiddin’ but– What? Keep going. Hey! You’re good, you’re good I got it. That was terrifying. That was awesome. You used the big saw. That’s bitchin’. I think we have it here somewhere. Oh, we have it here. Natasha, who definitely exist, is gonna bring it in and not be on camera, dammit. Boy, that Natasha AI is just getting more and more advanced. This is the thing that we carved now– Awe We don’t get show and tell on this show a lot. No. But boy, there’s a lot of splinters. It’s this, and this. That’s what we got. So this is supposed to be a heart. There’s some jagged edges here. So does our love though. But you can see a clear S plus L. You can see it’s generally the shape of a heart. This company or me gonna save this forever. This right here. You’re gonna save that forever? Yep.
Wow. Can’t stop me. We have a lot of termites in LA, I don’t know how long it’ll, well, we’ll see. I’ll throw it out today then. Well thank you Stacey for making sure that we didn’t die. Yeah we didn’t die. It was fun too. It was really fun. No chains snapped. No blood. There was some scary moments. You on the big saw. That was scary. That was scary. That thing’s gnarly. I also, my very first time I touched the chainsaw to wood immediately shut me down. Yeah, there was a lot of “oh whoa whoa whoa” today. How would you rate this experience of this chainsaw art. Did you have a fun time doing it? Would you do it again? Was it too scary too enjoy? I was worried about one of us injuring ourselves somehow. Have you injured yourself badly in your life? Like what’s the worst. What’s the dumbest injury, and what’s the worst injury? Okay, okay, dumbest… One you told us about on this show. I don’t remember. Oh your wedding. Oh that was the dumbest That was the dumbest? Yeah. But I also try to prank my brother in law. At one point I jumped through a door and hit my head on the door frame and had to be taken to the hospital. Did you cut the skin? Cracked the skull? Yeah there was like a thing up there. I think my most terrifying injury, wasn’t even an injury, it was a medical condition, sort of. In college, this was embarrassing so I will tell it. In college, I felt a lump in my butt, and I took it to the old student health and they touched it and they’re like, “Oh, I don’t know what that is. Let’s take it out and find out.” Oh boy, you have salt all over your face. Is it better? Yeah (laughs). But they said, “let’s just take it out because we don’t know what it is.” This was on one side in a cheek? I mean, I’ll say that it was but it was really close to the butt hole. Okay. Okay, I’m envisioning it. I mean, you know that general area. Yeah, I know what it looks like now. This was college years. So they were like let’s just take it out. It can’t hurt. And so I had surgery, I had surgery, they cut me open. They cut my butt open to take this thing out. Sorry guys. And it’s a teaching hospital. It’s so appropriate for the chainsaw episode. At the University of Virginia, it’s a teaching hospital, and so I was splayed out there on the table with my butt out and I heard the doctors say, “all right guys, come on in” and a whole bunch of medical students came in and just were lookin’ up my butt for a while. And talking about it, pointing at it. If this is like a setting where many people needed to view it, were you splayed? I mean I was like, you know I was like this. Okay. And there was a light shining on my butt. I don’t have that much hair but I do have a little hair on my butt. They didn’t shave it or anything. I should have manscaped if I had known that the entire class was gonna come in. Almost an alien abduction story. (Sam laughs loudly) It really is. And they were talking about it for a while. Like what they’re gonna do first, how they’re gonna go in, what things to look out for, and I was embarrassed. I didn’t fart or anything. God, that would have been the worst. You were conscious for the entire thing? I was conscious. The lower half of me was numb, but the upper half of me was embarrassed. God, don’t wish the whole of you was numb? Of course, of course I do. This is not the story I was expecting by asking this question. And they cut open my butt with a bunch of young, I assume, attractive medical students. I assume, like, I never saw their faces, thank god. But I assume it was like the cast of Grey’s Anatomy (laughs) watching me get my butt cut open. I’ve got Neil Young running through my head. Can I sing songs on the show? Sure, that doesn’t matter. ♪ Oh, man, take a look at my butt ♪ ♪ Lie like you ♪ That was my most embarrassing entry. Liam how about you? Oh my gosh. Well, I think you’ve topped me. I’m klutzy, I’m klutzy now, I’m klutzy as a kid. I cracked me head open three times as a child. I’ve had my head stitched together. I’ve had my head glued back together. Oof, recently? No, I kind of just jury-rig head injuries lately. Like a couple years ago, Marisha might remember this, I remember telling her, she’s right over there. She is. I was in my own bathroom. Drinking one of these. One of these, yep. Cling, cling. The mirror in my bathroom swings open and I’m very wary of it now but I went to reach for something and came up and it just went conk and cut right in the front of my head. Common injury. And like a flap, like an inch, just went… and was just open and I was supposed to go to the beach with my kids and, you know, we work really hard, and I was like, “I don’t want to give up my time with my kids to go to the hospital.” That’s a head injury. Here’s what I did. I squirted a little neosporin in there. Okay. I closed the flap. Okay. And I put a beanie hat on. (Sam laughs) Did the trick. We went to the beach, I got the beanie hat.
A tight beanie. Tight beanie on my head for the next six, seven hours. We got home and it was closed. Was it soaked in blood? No, I mean, it was initially but I definitely held it down for good 10 or 15 minutes. Wow. Similarly, more recently, this is super dumb too. Everything I do is super dumb. The day before our CR shoot where we put on book holsters and flasks and all that, I was getting all my clothes and everything ready for the next day and I needed to open a package, I think, and I couldn’t get it. Something was really tough to open, I couldn’t get it, so I was like, “Oh, well I’m gonna go get my hand saw from the garage,” and I got it– To open a package from Amazon? No, that’s not what it was. I was cutting up cardboard for recycling, that’s what it was. With a hand saw? There was a lot of it. There were huge boxes, we had all this stuff, I think maybe a desk for the house, something like that. All these pieces. Seems excessive. And so I was cutting through and there was one last piece that was not splitting, I just went like wack, wack and it just went astray into my thumb. It’s the day before that shoot, and my thumb just starts gushing blood, gushing, and immediately I’m like, “I don’t know if this is gonna stop for tomorrow, “Laura’s really good with Photoshop, maybe she can make it. “Maybe I’ll just have my hand behind my back.” And I was stressed out, and was just walking around going like, “Oh god, I need this, I need that, “everything’s really boof.” I was so distracted that I slammed my head into a corner of wall in my house, and immediately my head split. Oh my god. Then my thumb was bleed all over myself, and now I’m bleeding down in my eye going like, “It’ll be okay, the film should be fine, “everything will be fine.” So I don’t know if you can still see it but if you look at the individual photos of any thumbnail for Critical Role where I’m in it, and I looked yesterday to see there’s this thin little barely perceptible line right there that our makeup artist helped hide. I didn’t know. And I crazy glued my thumb shut. Why don’t you go to the god damn doctor? But I won’t jump out of a plane. For all of these injuries you’re describing, you should go to the doctor. What you have done the day before a photo shoot? And how high can my voice go? I don’t know. It feels like you’re not taking care of yourself, Liam. That might be true. Wow, and you decided to actively go to a place with chainsaws, where you’d be holding one. What are you thinking? I mean, we gotta do it for the people. Well thank you Stacy, that was incredibly. That was amazing, thank you so much. Thanks for comin’ out. You’re an excellent teacher. Oh, you guys did great.
Appreciate it. Thank you.
You did great. Yeah, good luck with your art, and we’ll… I don’t know. We’ll see you around the lumber yards? I’m gonna follow you on Instagram so I can watch all the stuff you’re making. Follow me on Instagram, that’s the best way to do it. All right, have a good day. Thank you guys so much.
Thank you so much. Thank you for the love. Do you want the bite me back? No, that’s for you. This is for me?
Yeah. Thank you so much. It’s for all of you to share. We will, we’ll share it. We can cut it into three pieces. This is a feel-good show. It really is. This episode is all about the love. All right guys, let’s go. It feels great to be back here, you know, 10 feet away from our former set, doing this show again. So many memories right over there. Yep. Oh wow. But yeah, I’m so excited for this season. I hope this is our first episode ’cause otherwise it makes no sense that we keep saying like this is our first episode. But I’m excited for this season. I’m excited to get into our next activity, and I’m excited to share our dangers and our love with the people. And I’m also excited to reach out and be kind to my fellow man because I love you, all of you, for who you are. Was that good? There it is
There it is. That’s the show. I’m getting sawdust all over me. (playful music)